Spammity Spam

My blog has been hit by thousands of spam comments over its short run, and I’m very grateful for WordPress’ spam catcher for the awesome job it does. Normally I just delete all the ones that show up in my comments feed so that you guys never have to see them. However, one I received today was just so hilarious, so iconically spammy, that I decided to share it.

Behold the scattershot vagueness! Behold the broken English! Behold the irrelevant flattery! Behold the empty promises to return!

Howdy! Really very good topic matter, your web web site fails to display screen on FF4 toy with. Does indeed any equipment prohibit the IP address? Appreciate it. It is remarkable, seeking in the time and effort you put into your post and detailed info you offer. I’ll bookmark your post and check out it weekly for your new posts. I hope you in no way cease! This really is among the very best topics I’ve ever read. You might have got some mad skill here, man. I just hope which you don’t shed your style due to the fact you are surely among the coolest posters available.

(followed by links to sales for women’s jackets)

My favorite is “I hope you in no way cease!” Me too, buddy, but my friend Ponce de Leon still hasn’t found the Fountain of Youth, so I’m afraid one day I will. But only with this life, of course. I suppose the spammer could be referring to the next life, where I certainly shall not cease to be in God’s presence. Could this spam actually contain a flicker of philosophy?



Author: David

I’m a young Christian American reader writer dreamer wanderer walker flier listener talker scholar adventurer musician word-magician romantic critic religious idealist optipessimist man.

22 thoughts on “Spammity Spam”

  1. Haha! I’ve been getting more and more of these over the course of the last month, and there have been some doozies. The most recent, however, have been disappointingly unimaginative: just straight-up links to sex enhancement drugs and workout programs. Such a waste of good spambots.

    1. Also disappointing are the ones that are gibberish in an Eastern-European script. I never know if there are actual words from a language in it or not, but they’re probably not worth trying to translate.

  2. Hi-larious! Apart from “I hope you in no way cease,” I think “I just hope which you don’t shed your style due to the fact you are surely among the coolest posters available” is my favorite sentence.
    Thanks for posting this! I certainly needed a smile this morning. “You might have got some mad skill here, man.”

    1. Yeesh, I’ve got style sheddings all around me. This can’t be good.

      And I’m kinda creeped that he thinks I’m one of the coolest posters to be hung on a wall…

  3. Your “web web site” is pretty awesome, man. I also love your “topic matter.” Jeez-o-pete! That’s just horrible all around. Anyone who thinks this is an original comment and approves deserves to have his or her blog spammed forever. 🙂

    1. Now I’m thinking of the Ask-A-Ninja ninja, who talks about all the “interwebbers” and “webbernetters” out on the Interwebs. Perhaps “webbernutter would better describe whoever creates these spambots.

  4. Hahaha! My congratulation on catching such a fine bit of spammery! Ours have not been so obviously delightful – or maybe I do not read them carefully enough – but one of our recent bits o’ spam went:

    I precisely wished to thank you very much once more. I am not sure the things I would have accomplished without those advice provided by you concerning such theme. It seemed to be a very scary scenario for me, nevertheless finding out the professional style you solved it took me to jump with joy. I’m happy for this assistance and even trust you recognize what an amazing job you were carrying out teaching many people through a blog. More than likely you’ve never met any of us.

  5. “You might have got some mad skill here, man.” Yeah, I read that and heard the voice of Leo from That ’70s Show. I like the use of “might” as well. Excellent spam, I must say.

    Today I got one that was surprisingly coherent, short, and was even slightly on topic with the post. If it hadn’t been posted by a suspicious author with a suspicious email address that had something to do with buying and selling VCRs, I would have thought it was legit.

    I saved it but didn’t publish it. I found it very amusing. I would share it on my blog, but its just vulgar enough to make me hesitate. After all, my grandparents read my blog…

    1. It’s amazing how spambots are so good at giving backhanded comments. Yeah, I’ve found one or two that sounded almost legit, but they usually linked to defunct websites or just didn’t appear to have a personality behind them. When in doubt, I delete. If someone’s legitimate comment accidentally does end up as spam and gets deleted, then I expect them to try commenting again so that I’ll know they are real. Otherwise, oh well.

  6. In no way cease! I like to imagine how this bit of advice would be extended (as it is clearly worded to be understood) to all aspects of life. Don’t cease breathing! Don’t cease reading! Don’t cease accidentally burning the toast! Don’t cease making up stupid words! Don’t cease doing your laundry! Etc.

  7. I get a ton of comment spam, too — far more than I get legitimate comments, actually — and for some twisted reason I like to skim them before deleting them, just in case a gem pops up. On a very rare occasion I’ll get one that’s actually written like a real comment, on topic and everything, which is like some kind of Christmas miracle. Then they’ll go and spoil it by linking to boner pills.

    1. Yeah, the worst ones are the ones that sound almost on topic, but are just awkward enough that you can’t quite tell. Usually the email address will give them away, though.

    1. Because they know all those “out of place comments” must give you heartburn, right? 🙂

      Blessings on this Tuesday!

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