Spammity Rattling Spam V

In this next installment of my increasingly arbitrarily-numbered Spammity Spam series, I present an example of something that seems to be developing into a trend. A rattling trend.

cam prom dress says:

Observe up the monumental hunk of process, I show handful points on this internet site also I deem that your net scene is rattling stimulating furthermore has places of splendid news.

Neither myself nor my “process” (whatever that is) will ever accurately be described as a “monumental hunk,” but I’m glad this blog provides splendid news. Or rather, has places of splendid news.


Spammity Spam IV.V

love it says:

Rattling superb information can be found on this website.

I’m sorely tempted to make that my new tagline on the header…

Spammity Spam III.75 (‘cuz I don’t want to look up the Roman Numeral for 75)

I was just blessed with another goofy spam comment today. Linkbuildingservice writes:

Magnificent beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your site, how can i subscribe for a blog website? The account aided me a appropriate deal. I were tiny bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered brilliant clear idea

Unfortunately, grammatically-challenged sir (or ma’am…spam…ma’am spam…), I am not taking apprentices at this time. I am, however, very glad to have aided you an appropriate deal, and I thank you very much for suggesting the term “magnificent beat.” If I ever start a band, that will be on the shortlist for its name.

Spammity Spam III.V

On my April Fools’ “Farewell” post, hcg recipes writes:

Your home is valueble for me. Thanks!…


Spammity Spam III

Just received this wonderful non sequitur on the “Christmas Legend” by Frank Sidgwick post.

The baby watches and feels the lift and instinctively knows his mother is showing him something important.

Uh-huh. Okay. So…what are you selling, exactly, Ms. Kaylee Macey Lampucende, with your Cyrillic and spartan website (glimpsed carefully through a Firefox preview)? Or perhaps I’d rather not find out.

Spammity Spam Dos

In some of my posts you will learn neat things. Things about authors you hadn’t heard of, or movies you may not have seen. Historical trivia and analysis of medieval heroes, or perhaps theories on how to read by some of the best authors in the English language.

In this post, you will laugh at some more dumb spam comments.

On my post on Chapter 3 of C.S. Lewis’ An Experiment in Criticism:

I don’t even understand how I ended up here, but I assumed this publish was great. I do not recognise who you might be however certainly you are going to a famous blogger if you aren’t already. Cheers!

Isn’t that great? This spambot doesn’t even pretend to have read the post, or even to have sentience. It just jumps straight to the empty and irrelevant flattery. This is perhaps the most honest one I’ve received yet.

On my posting of Frank Sidgwick’s “A Christmas Legend”:

This web site is really a stroll-through for all the info you wanted about this and didn’t know who to ask. Glimpse right here, and also you’ll undoubtedly uncover it.

This one’s mostly amusing because of the “stroll-through.” I may have to use that phrase. Superlative slang of spambots, Samuel Johnson! An unthinking computer program just enhanced my diction!

On my review of Peter Beagle’s The Last Unicorn:

Moving and effective! Youve certainly got a way of reaching individuals that I havent seen quite frequently. If most people wrote about this subject with the eloquence that you just did, Im sure men and women would do much more than just read, theyd act. Fantastic stuff here. Please keep it up.

Now I know that review was pretty good — it received some very kind comments and contains a few nice turns of phrase. But apparently, it’s also the key to real change and peace in the world. Get the news out, people! Maybe if the leaders of Iran, North Korea, etcetera only read this review of mine, the power of unicorns magnified to the power of David would cause them to repent of their dastardly ways!

*sideways glance*

Nah, the spambot’s unfamiliarity with apostrophes invalidates its argument. Besides, apparently I’m only good at reaching individuals that it doesn’t see frequently.

Spammity Spam

My blog has been hit by thousands of spam comments over its short run, and I’m very grateful for WordPress’ spam catcher for the awesome job it does. Normally I just delete all the ones that show up in my comments feed so that you guys never have to see them. However, one I received today was just so hilarious, so iconically spammy, that I decided to share it.

Behold the scattershot vagueness! Behold the broken English! Behold the irrelevant flattery! Behold the empty promises to return!

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(followed by links to sales for women’s jackets)

My favorite is “I hope you in no way cease!” Me too, buddy, but my friend Ponce de Leon still hasn’t found the Fountain of Youth, so I’m afraid one day I will. But only with this life, of course. I suppose the spammer could be referring to the next life, where I certainly shall not cease to be in God’s presence. Could this spam actually contain a flicker of philosophy?